“Did ya lose a fight?” the security guard teased Mary as she passed under the metal detector.
Mary’s hand fluttered self-consciously to her left cheekbone, her fingertips landing gently over the tender bruise that had left the area above her cheekbone purple. It was a spot that she had spent too much time trying to hide with concealer that morning. Her mind flashed back to the hand hitting her face before her head smashed against the wall the night before. She threw the guard a light-hearted smile accompanied by a small chuckle before answering, “Yeah.” Mary grabbed her purse from the conveyor belt and disappeared to her office.
The minute she heard the latch of her office door click safely behind her, she closed her eyes tightly and dropped her head. What had she gotten herself into? How was she ever going to get her life back to normal? She could see now that she’d acted reflexively when her last relationship ended, and she’d moved quickly on to someone else to fill the void. Too quickly, apparently.
When she’d met Luis, she’d quickly dismissed him as not her type. Although he was tall, with lush waves of dark hair, he hadn’t appeared athletic; and she’d worried he wouldn’t be able to keep up with her active schedule.
To Mary’s surprise, Luis wasn’t one to be readily dismissed. He’d wooed her with flowers, nice dinners, expensive jewelry, and, once Mary decided to give him a chance, weekend getaways. Mary had a void to fill, and Luis occupied all her free time, taking her mind off her past and helping her to focus on the present.
As weeks of dating turned into months, Luis invited her to move into his luxury apartment with him. Hesitant at first, Mary soon gave in to Luis’s smooth talking. Her life had changed, so why not take a leap and move in with someone? Why not trust him to be a good person? Not all men lied and broke hearts…right? Maybe Luis was different. Maybe Luis was the one. So Mary leapt.
It was exactly two months after Mary moved in with Luis that they had their first altercation. The morning had started out as every morning had. When she awoke, she rolled towards her lover, wrapping an arm over his sleeping torso. Feeling his warmth and smelling his scent, she snuggled closer and savored the moment until lifting her head and softly kissing his cheek before rolling away to her edge of the bed.
“Come back,” Luis murmured, reaching an arm over the sheets behind him to find her without opening an eye.
“I have to go meet Heather for a run.” She sat up on the edge of the bed, lowering her feet to the ground. His hand continued to search for her. “I’ll be back in a couple hours,” she assured him.
Luis’s eyes shot open. “Hours?”
“Yeah.” Mary started to push herself off the bed.
With cat-like speed, Luis rolled over and grabbed her forearm, preventing her from rising. “We are going to my mother’s today.”
Mary looked down at her arm, his fingers sunken into it. “Yeah, at 1:00. It’s 7 a.m.” She tried to pull her arm away.
“That is when we are going to eat. We are not going to arrive at the last minute.”
“Oh. Well, what time do you want to leave?” she asked, giving her arm another tug as he dug his fingertips deeper.”
“I want you to get ready now,” he said in a tone reserved for a parent speaking to a child.
Mary scrunched her face into a “whatever” look, gave her head a little shake, and pointed to his hand on her arm. Trying to lighten his mood, she said, “You’re kinda killing my blood flow here.”
Using the same parental tone, he said, “Get into the shower.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Mary asked, thinking he was joking with her. She gave her arm a hard tug and started to walk away.
That was it. His patience was gone. Now fully awake, Luis flew off the bed, wrapped a large hand around the back of her neck, and force-walked her to the bathroom. Giving her a hard push inside, he said, “You’ll do as I say,” as he pulled the door closed behind her.
Mary leaned against the marble countertop in shock. Who was this person? Where was the easygoing guy she’d fallen in like with? What was with this sudden urge to get to his mother’s hours before the planned time?
First looking at the red finger indentations on her arm, she lifted her hand to her neck and massaged the tender spots where he’d grabbed her. Relationships were about give and take and overlooking flaws…right? Giving her neck a final rub, she let out a sigh and reached to turn on the water in the tub. She’d let him have this one.
Not a word was said during the two-hour car ride to Luis’s mother’s house. Although Mary gave Luis the cold shoulder the entire visit, she found his mother to be a delightful woman and chose to focus on Estelle instead of her grouchy boyfriend.
The next day, a dozen red roses were delivered to Mary’s office at work. Lifting the card, Mary read the simple message. “I’m sorry. L.” Mary turned the card over a couple times thoughtfully before bending to inhale the sweet scent of the flowers. Then she decided to forgive him. Everyone had a bad day, right?
Three weeks later, the next bad day came, followed by the next and the next and the next. Soon, they became too many to count. Long sleeves, turtlenecks, tights, high boots, and even Band-Aids became the desired forms of camouflage, and she purposely began to stay later at the office to avoid angering Luis.
Mary felt isolated and ashamed. Ashamed to tell her friends, who had warned her not to move in with a man so quickly; and ashamed to tell her family since they had no idea she lived with a man. She’d learned that police had their own agenda, and restraining orders only led to more bruises, predominantly located around her neck. She couldn’t even tell her doctor what was happening because she didn’t want him to know that she was the kind of person who brought this kind of behavior out in a man. She scheduled her doctor appointments on low-bruise days, always calling to schedule at the last minute and then rescheduling if she angered Luis before the appointment.
She quickly learned that people didn’t want to hear about her problems and quickly brushed them under the rug. She became a master of concealment, always putting on a cheerful front and always bending her ear to listen to the problems of others. Her own secrets remained hidden under a long-sleeved sweater and layers of makeup.
Having sold most of her possessions when she moved in with Luis, even if she had another place to move to, she would have nothing to fill it with. But moving was out of the question because Luis always apologized and always assured her that she couldn’t survive without him; a combination that made her feel loved, needed, and insecure all at the same time. Day by day, week by week, and month by month, she lost more and more of not only her confidence but herself. Little by little, her spirit was leaving her body.
As purple spots and cuts on her arms and legs became her new reality, she thought back and wondered if she deserved this kind of life. Maybe she had been a naughty child, or maybe she had broken some man’s heart, and now Karma was coming around to break her in return. Maybe she wasn’t worth anything more than this. Maybe this was Fate, Destiny, and Karma all catching up with her at once. Maybe this is what she deserved and all she would ever be.
The empty vases of “I’m sorry flowers” began to pile up in the large apartment, as did the jewelry and expensive new clothes that replaced the old clothing that had been torn when Luis had grabbed it to stop her from getting away from him.
Mary was tempted to blame her situation on the end of her last relationship. If it hadn’t ended, if it had worked out, she would not be here. She would not be so bruised that it hurt her to sit. She would not have internal bleeding. She would not have a sprained wrist from breaking her fall to the ground. She would not have Luis controlling every aspect of her life right down to portion restrictions on her food. Her straight road had reached a fork, and this is where her fork had led her.
Instead, Mary tried to take responsibility for her situation. Clearly, she had made a bad choice. Clearly, she was trapped. Clearly, Luis would eventually kill her. Clearly, the only way out of this was to beat him to it. Just as surely as Mary knew that day would come, she also knew that the largest, most painful bruise would always be on her heart.
Now, Mary stood at another crossroad. She was on the wrong side of a rail that she held loosely in her hands. Her eyes were closed as the light evening breeze rippled through her hair and the last golden rays of the setting sun kissed her skin. She thought back to the last time she had been truly happy. That feeling seemed like nothing more than a dream now, but that was what she wanted to remember, wanted to get back to. She faintly heard Luis calling her name in the distance, calling her back from her happy place. Mary didn’t open her eyes. He couldn’t reach her, and she wouldn’t let him. Not this time. He couldn’t take this feeling from her, and he couldn’t stop her from getting lost in it one last time. It was all she had left, and the faint memory was a fairytale she wanted to believe in. It was the only thing she had left to believe in as she let the feeling overwhelm her. Lost in the cloud of happiness she had once known, her hands lightly released the rail, and she left her bruises behind.
Daterella's Adventures In Dating 