My name is Kristie, and I’ve been dating for a very, very long time. My best friend says I just haven’t found someone that’s my cup of tea, but I’m starting to wonder if I have a cup of tea. In an effort to find this “tea,” I’m back in the dating world and giving it my best effort. Before I start chronicling some of my adventures in dating, let me tell you how one of my last relationships went and why I’m now trying to get back in the game.
I knew this particular relationship was off to a bumpy start when, after just three weeks of dating, the last week having three dates in it, my date called me up and told me he didn’t feel like a priority. I of course hesitated, thinking he was joking. Isn’t that what women say to men to push them away? He followed it up by asking me if that’s why I haven’t been in a relationship for the last three years, because I didn’t make time for them. Stunned, I pointed out that I’d just exercised with him for two hours that day; the day before we spent eight hours together; and two days before that we’d attended a play together. Didn’t he work or have hobbies or snow to shovel?
As our relationship progressed, I cut back on my work hours and made a genuine effort to make him feel like a priority. I hate cooking anything that isn’t a cookie, but I made him dinners twice a week. I would rise at five a.m. every morning so that I could get some of my work done before he would show up to spend time with me. I don’t watch TV because I’m too busy, but I spent endless hours watching sports and HBO movies with him.
After exercising one day, he asked me what I was doing next. I told him it was eight p.m., and I planned to go home and work. He looked at me blankly. I made the mistake of following up with, “You didn’t schedule anything with me.” Oooh, big mistake. The “I don’t feel like a priority” talk came up again, and this time I could not keep my cool.
So that brings me to the question do we ever make someone else the priority they want to be after a certain age? I mean, after forty, most of us have careers, kids, hobbies, friends, volunteering, home maintenance, and more; and, in order to juggle all of these, it becomes hard to work someone else into the routine. In college, everyone had time on their hands, and you grew into your jobs and lifestyles together. Now, meshing two different lifestyles can seem like the most difficult thing.
Sadly, after quite a few months of dating, I finally let my guard down and got attached to Mr. Priority. When things ended, after I felt I had made such an effort to make it work, I was crushed.
After this many years, getting up, brushing yourself off, and getting back into the game can be difficult and disheartening; but I’m giving it another whirl. I hope to share with you how things are progressing in my efforts to move on from Mr. Priority to Mr. Right. Or maybe I should call him Mr. Cup-of-Tea.