Guys can be masters of sweet-talk, but I’m one of those gals who believes that actions speak louder than words. For example, he says he’s serious about you, but he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook or posted a picture of the two of you. He says he’s in love with you, but you only get a text message for Valentine’s Day. He says he fell in love with you the first time he met you, yet he married someone else. Twice. My slightly-psychic side tells me I shouldn’t give a lot of weight to what guys like this say.
My friends agree with my slightly-psychic side. One friend had a guy tell her that he loved her, but he never took her out. She never met his family, but she regularly met him for a late-night rendezvous.
Another friend dated a guy for six months and was never introduced to his kids. My slightly-psychic side tells me he’s not very serious about her.
Many guys blame their lack of communication on the fact that they’re “guys.” Is it true that guys have some genetic inability to communicate? Is it possible that he simply didn’t post our picture because it didn’t occur to him? Or is it even more possible that he wanted to keep his options open with the other 775 women he’s friends with on Facebook? Is it possible that he prefers to hang out with his guy friends, and that’s why you’ve become booty-call? And is it possible that his ex always has his kids, so you can never meet them?
On the other hand, a guy sent my friend flowers, introduced her to his family, and posted their pics on Facebook. All good actions, right? She later found out he’d been sleeping with someone else. So how is a girl to know what’s going on? How can we read the signs? If his actions indicate we’re in a serious relationship, is it only because he’s covering his tracks and shopping in the Infidelity Department?
In a time when guys seem to have difficulty remaining true to one woman, I think all we can do is make educated guesses from their actions. If his actions are too over the top and seem too good to be true, maybe we have to make an educated guess about that. My best friend would disagree, telling me I need to have more faith in people; but I don’t think faith should be extended to every stranger right out of the gate.
There is one thing I have faith in. I have faith that, every once in a while, a guy comes along whose actions are true. A week after dating a friend, he’s helping her with house projects. He doesn’t post pics on Facebook because he isn’t on Facebook. He drives her to doctor’s appointments and lets her decorate his house. They spend every weekend together. He introduces her to his friends, kids, and parents. He helps her with her dad. These things, my friends, are all the right actions. It took my friend a long time to believe he was going to keep up the act, but he has. May we all find a man who shows he loves us with actions like this.
Nine Days Ever After, Book 4 in the story of Katie and her vacation fling Costas, can now be downloaded from Amazon!