Talking with a guy friend who was going through a divorce, the thing that struck me was the fact that he was not trying to give his wife the shaft. He was not trying to annihilate her, he was actually making sure that she was well cared for. Sounds pretty nice, huh? The coolest part about this break-up is that, probably due in large part to his actions, they are still on good speaking terms. I was impressed by this because this is the antithesis of how my relationships tend to end.
When most of my relationships have ended, the guy does everything he can to make sure I either leave with much less than I came into the relationship with or nothing at all. They have no interest in making sure I’ll be okay after they’re gone. It’s as if they want to hurt me back, and this is the only or best way they can think of to do it.
A guy I once dated went to huge lengths to make sure his ex, who had a great career of her own, was well set up as far as income and housing. Maybe that’s what he had to do to avoid feeling any guilt, maybe he thought she’d earned it through marital investments and contributions, maybe he was just trying to stay out of court, or maybe he actually wanted to make sure she was going to be okay without him. Either way, even though I was a little jealous that he spent so much time making sure she was taken care of, I was impressed. Why? Because, if he treats her this well when things end, I can only hope he will treat me as well.
When people behave in a respectful and caring manner during a break-up, there is a good chance they will still be on speaking terms when it ends. When one partner tries to take as much from the other as possible and doesn’t care about the other’s well-being, the relationship will likely not end on speaking terms.
As someone who has had many relationships end badly, I would strongly suggest making the effort to be sure your relationships end as pleasantly as possible. After a while, you realize how many people you pass on the street that you’re not speaking to and, well, it’s not cool.
May you all have the will to bite your tongue and give a little extra during your next break-up.
Did you know that both The Tunnels and Devil’s Elbow are available in audiobook format at https://www.audible.com/pd/Mysteries-Thrillers/The-Tunnels-Audiobook and https://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/Devils-Elbow-Audiobook/B01N80VR5M/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1507987839&sr=1-1 ?