“Do you shave your arms?” I asked the man on the other side of the table.
“Sometimes,” came his casual reply.
I acted as if that was an acceptable answer, but inside I was screaming, “Sometimes?!? Do you want me to shave my legs SOMETIMES?”
Lesson Number 1 to properly manscaping is maintenance. If you expect a woman to have her legs shaved during turtleneck season and every time you come in contact with her, you have to keep up. Manscaping is like eating chocolate to women or drinking beer to men…once you start, you have to do it every day. Nothing is ickier than running my hand over a man’s chest only to feel week-old stubble. I should say ickier and owier because it hurts. If I want to exfoliate, I’ll use my loofah in lieu of a stubbly chest.
Lesson Number 2 to manscaping is you have to properly rinse out the tub after you shave two-week old stubble, especially if the drain is slow. Grody.
If women can endure child birth and a Brazilian wax, maybe guys should get wax jobs if they choose to manscape. That would eliminate bristly regrowth and the stubble left in the tub.
Of course, you have the old-fashioned rebel who refuses to manscape. Where I come from, we call that Sasquatch, and they make TV shows about it. Some people spend their lives looking for Sasquatch when he’s right in front of them under that baseball cap, Spartan sweatshirt, and loose jeans. We chicks call that camouflage.
All joking aside, other than a little appropriate trimming, I’m anti manscaping. In my opinion, nothing is sexier than looking across the table at a man with some chest hair peeking out the top of his unbuttoned shirt (as he holds out a chocolate bar to me). It tells me there’s an animal under that shirt that is not too far removed from a caveman who might grab me by the hair and drag me back to his cave. Maybe I have some dominance issues.
Then there’s the man who reaches for my hand with the fingers of a grizzly bear. Is finger waxing a thing? If not, could it be?
Lastly, we have the man who back waxes. This confuses me. Isn’t it easier to wear a shirt? Just don’t live in Florida, and you will always have an excuse to wear a shirt. Or move to Alaska if you want to be sure. How bad can it be? Okay, say your significant other is getting their fingers tangled in it, so you wax. Waxing is acceptable because it will grow back soft. Back shaving is a no-no. You’d have to duct tape your razor to a back scratcher. That’s more stubble than anyone needs to encounter…ever.
My final word of advice if you’re still confused? If you have average hair growth, let it grow and show us your inner caveman. If people report Bigfoot sightings in the locker room, man up and wax, don’t shave. Your significant other will find you incredibly soft and snuggly.
The hunt for Sasquatch will go on. Happy dating!
Book 3 in the Harbor Secret Series, Leviathan, is coming soon!