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“But don’t you feel like you’re missing out on the right person?” I asked my friend in a candid lunch discussion.

“No. I believe I am with the right person.”

“But don’t you think the right person would be not only your best friend and a kind person but also someone that you have a spark with?” I argued.

“No, I don’t.”

I felt so sad hearing her response. “So you don’t believe in getting it all?”  My eyes stung.  “You don’t believe in soul mates?”

“Oh, yes, I believe in soul mates; and I believe I’m with my soul mate.”

I felt a pang of hope surge through me and leaned forward.  “But you would have a spark with your soul mate.  There would be amazing chemistry.”  I wanted to hear that she had it all.

She shrugged.  “I guess there was some chemistry in the beginning,” she offered weakly, “but the physical stuff becomes less important as you grow older.”

“But don’t you think your soul mate would have it all?” I pressed on, not liking the answers I was getting.

“I believe, with your soul mate, you learn to love different parts of them, and you don’t miss the parts that are missing.”

This idea left me reeling.  Had my soul mate come and gone, and I missed out because I was looking for the complete package?  Was having it all just some fantasy that women believe in like children believe in Santa?  Like Santa, we really hope it’s out there for us, but is it only an idea that doesn’t exist in reality?

Do we ever really get it all?  Maybe I’ve set my standards high because one of my close friends has it all, so I believe in it.  Is she just one of a very select group?  Don’t we all get it? If we choose someone that doesn’t give us the full package, are we settling?  Is that why they call it “settling down,” because we decide to overlook what’s missing and love what’s there?

When you think of the classic fairytales, the characters didn’t really spend much time getting to know each other; it was more of a love-at-first-sight thing.  Maybe their spark was so strong that they chose to love that part and overlook the personality part.  Like many women, I’ve always chosen to believe it was two soul mates recognizing each other at first sight.

So now I’m left to wonder how many of us have been close friends with the opposite sex but didn’t feel any spark and, hence, missed out on our soul mate?  Did we miss the opportunity of a lifetime, or are there some of us who will never settle for less than the complete package?  Are those the people who end up alone?

I once heard someone say that Santa is a spirit, and you either believe in him or don’t.  Maybe, like Santa, my soul mate is something that exists only in my mind.  Whether I believe in Santa or my soul mate and choose to make that belief a part of my life is completely up to me.

May you all find your complete package!  Happy dating!

Check out The Tunnels and Devil’s Elbow for some holiday weekend reading!