When I was speaking with a friend recently, after introducing her to a couple of my guy friends that I thought were pretty attractive, she told me she would never be interested in either of them. They were both professionals that were in pretty good shape, so I was surprised to hear this.
When I asked my friend why she wasn’t interested in the guys, she said they just weren’t her type. She liked guys who wanted to go to shows at the Wharton Center with her, who liked bike rides for ice cream, and who kept their house clean. I thought about that. Wasn’t she describing a female? Was there really such a male in existence? Apparently so because she’d found them in the past. I knew I needed to change how I shopped for men.
Furthermore, I was surprised when my friend pointed out that the men I’d introduced her to watched sports and drank beer. Apparently she could tell that without them even saying it. I countered with, “But they’re big, beefy, manly men.” As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I had an epiphany. I was physically attracted to the big, beefy, manly men, but that was it. Once I had them, there was not a single thing about them that I liked. I didn’t like how that “type” was generally incredibly sloppy with clothing all over the floor of their house. I didn’t like the mold growing in their bathrooms. I didn’t like how they spent every weekend in the fall and winter on the couch with a beer watching “the big game.” Hel-lo, every game is a big game to them. I didn’t like how they never ironed their clothes, and I especially didn’t like it if they hunted.
So all of my life I’ve been attracted to the big, beefy type of guy, but the attraction ended there. This has never dawned on me before. The kicker is that I cannot stand skinny men. I’d rather have an obese man than a skinny man. Beefy is my happy medium.
Do we all have a “type” that we’re attracted to, but our relationships continue to fail because, once we get past the physical attraction, there is nothing else we like about that person? Do we all really want men that iron their pants and clean their bathroom? Are there such men that exist that aren’t skinny?
Maybe we all need to examine how often we actually like what we get. Maybe we should stop looking for what we think we want and step outside the box we’ve built around ourselves. Maybe I could get a skinny theater-goer to beef up…
Here’s to stepping outside the box! Happy dating!
Before The Nine Days is now available on Amazon! It’s got mystery, romance, and best friends.