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Over the years I’ve heard countess guys say, “She dumped me because I was too nice.”  I’ve heard girlfriends say, “He’s a nice guy, but he’s not the kind of guy I want.”  What does this really mean?  Doesn’t everyone want a nice guy?  Doesn’t everyone want a guy that will open doors for them, send them a goodnight text every night before bed, and treat her like a princess?  The answer to that is a resounding YES!

So why do we dump guys because they’re “nice” guys?  Here’s a newsflash for you.  It’s not because you’re too nice or treat us too well, it’s because you don’t have the confidence to be the man we want you to be.  You don’t have the confidence to step right out of a romance novel, push us against the wall, and have your way with us.  Instead, you’re the meek guy that follows us around and doesn’t gather the courage to make a move for months.  When you do finally make that move, instead of pushing us against a wall, you meekly tap us on the shoulder, the look of a beaten woman in your eyes, and ask, “Can I kiss you?”  I guarantee you, even if you’re Brad Pitt, the answer will always be, “Bleep, no!”

You see, it’s not that you’re too nice to us, it’s that you don’t have the confidence.  Tapping me on the shoulder and meekly asking if you can kiss me is the equivalent of giving me a crystal ball to see into my future, and all I see is a boring sex life in the same position once a week for the rest of my life.  I see no creativity, I see no passion.

So how do you fix this problem?  My suggestion:  Study some appropriate movies.  Step away from your sci-fi and action films for a minute to watch a few chick-flicks.  Don’t pay attention to the shy guy that’s been her best friend since high school and she never notices him.  You’re already there.  Instead pay attention to the bad boy that picks her up for dates on a motorcycle and bounces from job to job.  No, you don’t have to be bad, and you don’t have to pick your gal up for dates on a motorcycle, but please, oh, please pay attention to his moves.  Pay attention to what he wears, and pay attention to his confidence.  Pay attention to how he kisses her, and pay attention to how she reacts.

Today, when you leave your job at your accounting firm, I want you to harness your inner bad-boy kisser, grab your gal around her waist, pull her to you, mumble something about her incredible beauty, and plant one on her.  And no grandma kissing.  Lips slightly apart, and maybe work in a little tongue.  Don’t slime her.  Bad boys never slime.

Some suggestions for movies that you might mimic would Bringing Down The House where Queen Latifah shows Steve Martin how to get some kahunas.  Richard Gere in First Knight when he finally kisses her.  Hottest kiss ever right after the one in The Notebook.  BAM!  He just goes for it.  Notice how he did not ask permission first.  Notice how he doesn’t look fearful or intimidated by her.  Gone With The Wind – I’ve wanted Rhett Butler since the first time I saw that movie.  He has the most confidence I’ve ever seen.  Even when Scarlett is constantly shooting him down, he just keeps coming back for more undaunted.  So do some movie homework before your next date.  It’s the best kind of homework.

Now, a word of caution.  Don’t take this information to mean you should go around grabbing random women and kissing them against walls.  It must be consensual.  I’d suggest someone you’re dating or married to.  And don’t go for the gold on the first date.  Save it for the second or third, and keep her guessing a little.

In summary, stop whining about how women drop you because you’re a nice guy.  That’s a nice way of saying you’re boring, lack creativity and confidence, and we don’t want the future sex life of Mrs. Cunningham.  So put down your Xbox, turn off Taken 3 or whatever alien movie you’re watching, and become the Rhett to her Scarlett.  And may you all have little Bonnie Blues.

Happy Dating!

Another example of a man with a lot of confidence that is h-o-t, HOT is Costas in my book Nine Days In Greece.  If your guy friends ask why you’re reading it, tell them it’s homework.  When you finish that, you can see how Costas keeps his flow going in Risking The Nine Days.