Ah, that first kiss. The kiss that you never know if or when it’s coming or what it will be like until it’s there and you have to decide how to respond. It’s the kiss that lets a girl know where she stands. It’s the kiss that lets a girl know if a guy just wants to be friends, likes you romantically, or just wants “the big S.” The first kiss is the only kiss that will make you wonder if it will be your last first kiss.
I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t make it easy for a guy to make a move. One guy once told my friend that, when he dropped me off from our date, I had the car door open and was rolling across the lawn before the car stopped. Honestly, he wasn’t exaggerating that much. I hate that tension at the end of a date that comes from not knowing whether a guy is going to make a move or not. I would rather avoid the situation completely than deal with it. Once it happens, I’m fine; but, man, that awkward first time I’ll avoid like the non-chocolate items on a dessert platter.
There is a time and a place for a kiss; and, no matter what it is, it sends a message to its receiver. For instance, if a guy tries to kiss me on a first date, unless I’ve known him for a while, it sends the message that he doesn’t respect me that much. If he tries to play tonsil hockey and go for second base on the first date, it means he’s just after one thing, and it’s not the opportunity to meet my parents.
Although I would consider a second date a bit early for a first kiss, I wouldn’t totally ban the idea. It depends on how things go on the date. If a guy doesn’t make a move by the third date, then he’s probably never going to summon the courage. If a guy doesn’t try by the fifth date, he falls into the black hole of just friendship and will never climb out of it unless he gets cast in a romantic comedy and lives it out on screen.
I’ve dated plenty of guys that never make a move and leave me wondering why they keep asking me out. I once dated a guy for seven dates, and he never made a move. On the seventh date, I invited him in for a drink, and he accepted. He then drank his drink and went to leave. Confused as to what he wanted with me, I stopped him at the door and asked him if he just wanted to be friends or what he was thinking. He turned and told me he’d never received any kind of a signal from me. Really? You ask me out seven times, and I say yes seven times; how much more of a signal do you need?
I once dated a guy for five months that never made a move. He was a great guy, so I tried to hang on, but he never so much as bumped into me. Yes, I’m a pretty fun person to hang out with; but did he just want another friend? Was this ever going to go anywhere? I finally decided that I needed a guy with either more confidence or a higher sex drive and decided to keep shopping.
Next we come to the guy that actually asks in a shy voice if he can kiss you. Do you know how hard it is not to just say, “No, thanks,” and slam the door in his face? Okay, it’s so hard that I haven’t been able to not do it. No romance novel has a leading man in it that looks at the woman fearfully and asks with a runny nose and shaky voice if he can kiss her. They don’t put that in books because that’s not what women want.
I once even dated a guy who had a no-kissing policy. I asked why he didn’t like to kiss, and he said because he didn’t get much out of it. But what about me? Couldn’t he just take one for the team? It’s not like I was asking him to go to the ballet with me, I was only asking him to step up and do something that most guys liked.
I guess I personally feel like I’m in charge of enough things, and I don’t need one more thing to be in charge of, so I want a guy that will take control of a situation with confidence, tilt my chin up, God willing, and give me a few nice, soft kisses goodnight. Just enough to keep me anxiously anticipating the next time you tilt my head up. This kind of kiss tells me that you like me as more than a friend, you respect me, and you value our chance to have a future together. There’s no need for a lot of sloppy tongue; no girl wants to be slimed on her first kiss.
I was hesitant to re-date a guy from my past that I’d gone out with for quite a few months, and he’d never made a move on me. When we reconnected some years later, after three or four dates, he asked how friends said goodbye. Fortunately, as I began to roll my eyes and comment about him not growing balls in this many years, Mr. Ask kissed me. Thank goodness, because I was going to follow up my balls comment by telling him that “friends” said goodbye with a high-five.
Unfortunately for me, Mr. Ask did not ask, nor did he try to kiss me on our next date. Instead, he gave me a hug that left me wondering if I’d remembered to brush my teeth. With a hug, Mr. Ask downward spiraled me back into the hole of self-doubt that made me wonder just where I stood with him. Did he regret kissing me? Did he not like kissing me? Did it only happen at night and, since it was still daylight, I was reduced to just hugs? Was he a vampire? The first kiss that had led me to believe I knew where I stood with Mr. Ask now left me asking what was going on.
Maybe I shouldn’t put so much weight on a first kiss or any kiss. Maybe I should just date guys for seven dates or five months or a year without ever getting kissed. Maybe I should just join a convent. I think even Laura Ingalls Wilder moved at a faster pace than that.
There are lots of guys out there that are just right for lots of gals. I’m sure there are even gals out there with no-kissing policies. I’ve come across a lot of guys that are not right for me. For now, I’ll just have to keep kissing frogs, or trying to, until one turns out to be Mr. Right.